How are you? You know I’ve been thinking a lot lately orz.. idk. It’s usually a bad thing I guess, I’m terrible when it comes to thinking or anything. I can get really caught up in it.. and I know that’s bad but sometimes I can’t help it?
I’ve been feeling really lonely, and it’s not just in the sense that ‘i-have-no-boyfriend-oh-poor-me’ .. I just.. bleh feel like sometimes sort of don’t notice what I have to give or offer? Support, friendship, talks when they could be sad.. it’s pretty much everything and I have so much affection but I can never use it because it always gets looked on the wrong way and I turn out to be silly and can’t show it.
I’m sorry if I talk too much to you.. I just want to know that you’re happy and okay. I want to be able to talk to you as much as possible.. why wouldn’t I? Of course I’d want to do that. I’m sorry if I seem to care too much, if I genuinely care a lot about your happiness and the fact that you’re smiling. I’m sorry if I want to make you feel wanted and love.. I don’t really know what that feels like so I’m not sure if it’s suffocating or would make you get put off me. I really am sorry.
Hey yeobo. I hope you’re alright and smiling. How’s life? Things are a bit.. so-so I suppose. I have an exam on saturday and I am honestly trying so hard to study, but things happen and I don’t know. I’m worried.. I really wish you were so I could talk to you… I literally.. there isn’t really anyone I can talk to at the moment.
I’m so envious of everyone who has someone, you know? Someone they can love and care about and do things with.. all the time. Like hold hands with, be themselves around them.. be able to laugh so much that I start snorting and need to pee. Be able to cry infront of them and not worry about a thing, because they’re there..
I just want.. someone, is that too much to ask? Someone I can not just see myself getting old(er) with.. but building a family together, a scrapbook full of happy memories that we can both remember forever. I want that so much… and I wish that someone wanted that so much too.. but with me.
But apart from that slightly little depressing start. Happy New Year!! I’m sorry I couldn’t say this to you earlier wow. Hmm, how was 2012 for you? Mine was a bit stressful in some places, but as always it had the good parts as well as the bad. All in all, I’m glad it’s over yaaaaaaaaay. Yeobo, do you think we’ll finally meet this year? I really hope so, so much. 2013 should be a good year, and I have a few things I’m a bit excited and nervous for so I’m unsure what to feel.
Do you have any New Year resolutions?? I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you ‘Good Luck Yeobo!!’
Well.. it’s almost Christmas time dear. Is it snowing where you are? Does it even snow there? Sometimes it does here.. but it’s the 19th now and there’s still no snow. I came back home during the holidays so it’s nice being with my family. My eldest sister has gone to India with her husband until boxing day to see his family, and my other two sisters are meeting up with their boyfriends a lot. My mum and dad apparently got into a bit of an argument, but I hope they’re okay. It was something about my Grandma being in care and someone ringing up to talk to my dad but he wasn’t there.
I don’t know really, yeobo. What I do know though is.. this Christmas feels a lot more.. quieter and sadder.. lonelier. Is it possible to miss someone so much that you want to cry? Someone that you haven’t even met or someone you think about daily? I’ve been feeling so isolated recently and it hurts.. I can’t stand it and yet it still happens. I don’t want to be alone.